


if you'll be my star, i'll be your sky.

by infamy



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Feelings, InfamyAU, Kissing, M/M, Making Out, Other: See Story Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:22:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28890546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infamy/pseuds/infamy
Summary: Jeongin thought, in moments like this when swollen red lips pressed god-curst kisses to hot skin and the two of them danced around each other, tangled together in a darkened hallway — Hyunjin was more like the sun.A blazing inferno of a man, intangible.A follow up fic to Stray Kid's interactive twitter au @InfamyAU.
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Yang Jeongin | I.N
Comments: 22
Kudos: 290
Collections: — safe for work





	if you'll be my star, i'll be your sky.

**Author's Note:**

> > `in order to understand this piece of fiction, you'll need to read the [AU](https://twitter.com/infamyau/status/1333939048394731525?s=21) in full.`   
> 
> 
> ``  
> this takes place during freshman orientation, it's before the main timeline. 

> _”You can skyrocket away from me and never come back if you find another galaxy, far from here with more room to fly. Just leave me your stardust to remember you by.”_  
>    
>  \- BOATS & BIRDS, Gregory & The Hawk

_YJI_

According to science and Carl Sagan, everything and everyone was made from star-stuff. This was true, although Jeongin thought that Hwang Hyunjin was made up of more than just pitiful elements humanity clung onto to make themselves feel special.

Hyunjin had crash landed in Jeongin’s life like a meteor. It only made sense that he was dropped to the earth straight from the cosmos. His entire genetic makeup was made out of moonlight. Jagged star fragments sparkled in the depths of his deep brown eyes, and his smile was as blinding as a passing comet.

Jeongin spent his formative years comparing Hyunjin to poetry trying to make sense of his existence. He’d come to the conclusion that maybe - just maybe - Hyunjin was the moon personified. He waxed and waned, receding only to illuminate again for the world to pick apart in awe.

However, Jeongin thought, in moments like this when swollen red lips pressed god-curst kisses to hot skin and the two of them danced around each other, tangled together in a darkened hallway — Hyunjin was more like the sun.

A blazing inferno of a man, intangible.

“Please just,” Hyunjin swallowed his sentence and panted against the now wet skin of Jeongin’s neck. He pulled back until the two of them were eye to eye, knocking their foreheads together gently, “Please just kiss me already.”

Wordlessly, Jeongin slid his hands down Hyunjin’s sides, careful to map the expanse of Hyunjin’s rib cage with his thumb. Down, down, down until his hands found familiarity on the older’s hips — it was almost as if he had done this so many times that his body molded to fit Jeongin's own.

Jeongin closed the gap between them with a soft barely there brush of the lips, repeating the motion until Hyunjin whined against his open mouth. He would be lying if he said kissing Hyunjin didn't feel like coming home. He hated cliches and attempted to banish any trace of them from his life, but it was true. Kissing Hyunjin felt like coming home.

Jeongin knew kissing Hyunjin was a mistake the first time he'd done it — when he was only fifteen and their relationship was teetering on the tightrope of something more. Of course, that didn't mean it wasn't habit-forming nor intoxicating. For once in his life, the thought of making a mistake didn't paralyze him, instead only egging him on.

He kissed the other even though he knew better. Jeongin knew this thing they had going on was temporary when he was sitting in his bedroom with a doe-eyed boy cross-legged in front of him, face screwed tight, lips puckered up impatiently. And he knew it now, pressed against that same full-moon boy nearly five years later tucked away in a corner of a fraternity house Jeongin would never enter again, the taste of soju and peaches fresh on his tongue.

Jeongin knew that after tonight it would just be him alone in his dormitory – no _“can i call you?”_ blinking at him from his lockscreen. That didn't make him want to stop.

He'd long since come to terms with the fact that Hwang Hyunjin was an unapparent force. He didn’t belong to anyone, certainly not Jeongin — well, maybe anyone _but_ Jeongin.

It had been a year since he had properly spoken to Hyunjin – he couldn’t find it in himself to be angry, though. Hyunjin had his reasons and Jeongin knew not to pry. Still, a painful twinge sounded out on the strings on his heart. Perhaps it was selfish, but the more his thought about it the more he came to understand that feeling this way was human.

If Hyunjin were the moon, then Jeongin was the tide, shrinking in on itself, ebbing away from the sandbanks when the moon grew distant only to grow stronger and wilder the closer the moon got to the water. 

Jeongin slipped his hand under the front of Hyunjin's shirt, skin hot underneath his perpetually cold hands. The older gasped into Jeongin’s open mouth. His lips were soft, pliant, pillowy to the touch, and with every second that passed he grew more and more impatient under Jeongin's hands.

Head tilting back against the wall, Hyunjin gasped, "Please kiss me."

Jeongin laughed, wrapping his arms around Hyunjin's waist, pulling them as close together as humanly possible, "I am literally kissing you."

One of Hyunjin's hands came up to cup Jeongin's cheek, the other gently wrapped around his wrist. Hyunjin worried his bottom lip between his teeth. "I meant," he started, guiding Jeongin's hand somewhere unknowing, "Really kiss me."

Jeongin smiled, rubbing gentle circles on Hyunjin’s hip with his free hand. He decided to test the waters. Rolling his hips forward, the ends of his mouth quirked up even more at the way Hyunjin startled in response, mouth parting to allow him full access. He licked Hyunjin’s bottom lip tentatively, a smirk still playing on his own lips.

“Oh, so you remember me now? I thought you’d forgotten me completely.” Jeongin broke the kiss, whispering against his lips. His fingers ghosted along the edge of Hyunjin's waistband.

As soon as their moment came, it went. Hyunjin eclipsed, a city-wide power outage shaped like a man stood before Jeongin. His hands came up to Jeongin’s chest, pushing him away. Yielding easily to the incessant force of nature that was the person in front of him, the younger let it happen, hands dropping to his sides.

“Sorry,” Jeongin said, “I was just playing around, I know you have your—”

Hyunjin cut Jeongin off before he could finish his sentence, voice cold, “Stop. I have to go.”

He lingered for a second, eyes searching Jeongin’s face for something Jeongin couldn’t place but he couldn’t ask about either - Hyunjin didn't leave room for argument. He gave Jeongin no choice but to step back and let him leave.

Jeongin propped his arms against the wall in front of him, eyes glued to Hyunjin’s frame as he slunk into oblivion.

As soon as Hyunjin was out of sight, the world came back into focus. The clinking and clattering of glasses, the lively chatter, the thrum of the bass that flowed through the soles of Jeongin’s shoes. It was too much, way too much, and he needed out.

By the time he made his way through the bodies of students he would never take the time to get to know, his lungs felt like they were on fire. He wasn’t claustrophobic, but still he felt like he was going to hurl.

Crisp August wind licked at Jeongin’s cheeks, coloring them a rose-tinted pink. It was cold for a summer night, the kind of cold where Jeongin wanted to bundle up in a sweater by a fire somewhere when everyone else is unbothered wearing T-shirts, splashing in puddles and dancing in the warm summer thunderstorm. He scanned the yard, and just when he thought there was absolutely no sign of Hyunjin, he saw the other sitting slumped over the edge of the deck, legs dangling off the side. The light from his phone screen cast a halo around him. His tear stained cheeks made him look like a Renaissance oil painting.

Jeongin walked over and sat silently next to him, arms folded, hands in his lap. The chaotic symphony _‘SIT Visonaria, I.’_ – not a real symphony – was a low background hum now. If he focused, he could just barely make out the song the DJ threw on, but the party's cacophony was replaced by the trill chirping of summertime crickets and the soft, scant sniffling of the boy beside him.

“Why do you keep coming back?” Hyunjin’s thick voice was barely above a whisper when he asked, but it broke Jeongin out of the daze he was in nonetheless. “You deserve so much more than this. More than me.”

Jeongin exhaled, the burning in his lungs easing just a little, “I know I do, the thing is I don’t want it. Why would I?”

“You’re stupid,” Hyunjin spit the words out with no malice, sadness dripped off his tongue in ropes. It was like the boy was hollowed out– the moon had gone dark save for the phone in his palm, “You could have it all.”

“I just told you I don’t want it, Hyunjin.” Jeongin replied again, more forcefully this time.

What he didn’t say was: _“How can I have it all if you’re not a part of it? What if you’re everything I want? What if I’m nothing without the memory of you and I can still feel the very first kiss you left on my skin if I think about it hard enough - and I do, I think about it every day, so tell me how can I have it all if it’s not you?”_

He took a deep breath in, all the smoulder in his lungs clearing out on the exhale. Hyunjin’s face was wild, his eyebrows knit together in a tight upside down V, his eyes sparkling like stars. The lights from the house party twinkled on Hyunjin’s face, illuminating his tear tracks like the Milky Way. A melancholic masterpiece. The sight made Jeongin want to throw his heart up. 

“Why not?” he choked out, “I’m not anything special.”

Jeongin looked at Hyunjin – really looked at him – glared. “You don’t get to tell me you’re not special.”

“I treat you like shit.” Hyunjin pressed his palms against his eyes, rubbing away more unshed tears.

“You treat everyone like shit, I don’t take it personally.” Jeongin tried to joke around the sad smile on his face, adding, “You’re still special.”

_To me, you are special. To me, you hold my entire world._

Hyunjin looked like a wounded animal and Jeongin knew he was – wounded, that is. He was wounded and no matter how many hours he spent on repeating mantras and carefully crafted monologues to his reflection, he couldn’t fool Jeongin. He never could.

“I’m trying so hard to be this person my mom needs me to be,” Hyunjin started, wiping away at his tears with shaking hands, “I’m trying so hard to be this person and I don’t know if I can be. With you … easy, it’s so fucking easy to forget; what I need to do, who I need to be.”

Jeongin remained silent but nodded, scooting closer, the heat from the older’s thigh burning against his own. Hyunjin let him.

“I don’t know if I can do this, Jeongin.” Hyunjin sounded small, tears still pouring down his cheeks without abandonment, “I lose so much focus when I’m with you.”

Jeongin pulled him to his chest then, too consumed by emotion to think clearly. When he got like this, it was as though someone had taken the sun and put it out, snuffed out the stars.

His fingers curled into Jeongin's shirt like they always did, and Jeongin instinctively carded his hands through the hair at the base of Hyunjin's neck.

“I don’t want to lose you.” Hyunjin whispered, more liquid than words, “I really don’t want to lose you.”

"Hyunjin," he whispered into the bleached blond hair atop the older’s head, "I'm not going anywhere. Even if you do, even if you have to run away and hide somewhere, I'm still going to be here when you get back, you know that right?"

Hyunjin pulled back, really looked Jeongin in the eye, “That’s not fair to you.”

The other shrugged as best as he could with the boy in his lap. “If I’m choosing to do it out of my own free will then who’s to say what fair is?”

“I’m not good for you, Jeongin.” Hyunjin’s hand fell innocently from Jeongin’s chest to rest on his thigh, “You need to move on.” 

Jeongin tilted his head, “You just told me you didn’t want to lose me and now you’re telling me I need to move on.” Exasperation was clear in his tone. “Look, there’s no moving on. You’re my best friend, Hyunjin. I don’t care if we don’t talk, I don’t care if you’re out of reach and untouchable. I still care about you, I’m still going to care about you regardless of whatever it is you choose to do with your life. You can’t just get rid of me.”

Hyunjin fell into another spiral, head pressed against Jeongin’s shoulder tucked safely in the crook of his neck, “It would be easier if you told me to go fuck myself.”

“We both know I’m not going to do that, Jinnie.” He frowned, hands carefully rubbing up and down Hyunjin’s back.

“I really wish you would sometimes,” Hyunjin sounded far away, “I wish you’d just tell me to fuck myself so I could do this without a guilty conscience. Jesus, that’s fucked up, I know it is, I do. I’m sorry, I’m really so sorry. I just, I can’t, It’s so.. But I just, I really am in love with you, Jeongin.”

They’d never said it. Jeongin knew it – they both did, it was a silent agreement – but still hearing it out loud so clearly hit him in the chest like a bullet.

Jeongin managed a nod, swallowing around the thickness in his throat. 

“So, I’m sorry.” Hyunjin said, pulling back to look at Jeongin, “I’m sorry for what you put up with but I can’t change and you know that but I still need to tell you I’m sorry – and you don’t have to put up with this, you know that right?” Jeongin nodded mutely at the question. “Even if I don’t want to lose you, I don’t want to hurt you either. It’s selfish wanting you to tell me to fuck off because if you treated me like shit then maybe I could hate you. The point is – I’m all over the place, sorry – the point is I can’t do this.”

Jeongin nodded again, “I know.”

“But I want it so bad.” Hyunjin whined, “I want to kiss you.”

“You can kiss me.” Jeongin whispered, not trusting his voice to be any louder. 

Hyunjin shook his head, “Just one more time and then this has to stop. Okay?”

Before Jeongin could agree, he fell forward and messily pressed his lips to Jeongin’s. Hyunjin’s mouth tasted like salt and peaches. Jeongin’s thumb came up to wipe his tears away. He wiped and wiped and wiped until he couldn’t tell whose tears he was wiping anymore. Kissing Hyunjin felt like coming home and if this was the last time he was going to kiss him, he wanted to remember it – wanted to drink it in. 

“You’re crying.” Hyunjin replied sadly when he finally pulled back.

Jeongin exhaled shakily, “I know.”

**Author's Note:**

> ` follow us on [twitter](http://twitter.com/infamyau) for more!`  
>  `i just want to say a quick thank you to my beta reader, [annie](http://archiveofourown.org/users/tetsuyas) who i would be lost without. check out her fics if you're interested!`
> 
> `i also want to thank you all so much for reading and enjoying this series with us, we have a lot more in store so please stay tuned. 🐇`


End file.
